Post by JEM on Aug 3, 2008 20:04:45 GMT
THE WASHPOND PADDLE
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Camp 1997 at Swanage
The last time we camped at Swanage our Company was facing an uncertain future
The Captain had resigned to look for a new job. The officers had briefly considered whether perhaps the time had come to close the Company down. PERISH THE THOUGHT
Even the camp magazine reflected the sombre overtones THE SWANAGE SIREN….a warning of things to come. BUT there was the sign of hope at the Initiation that year when we added to the Roll of New Campers 5 who became stalwarts Avis and Lionel Turner, Captain Mike's parents. Dorothy and Michael Hughes and Andrew Heinrich. The Company in fact prospered. Mike got his new job, turned his resignation into a Sabbatical, upgraded the Band and resumed the Captaincy. The uncertainty turned out to be beneficial.
Today we face the uncertainty of falling membership this time next year we might have closed down…PERISH THE THOUGHT.
We are a few weeks away from a Recruitment Campaign to make Saffron Walden sit up and notice what the BB is and what it does, with the view of renewal and growth. With that in mind, the vision of moving forward I have called the Camp magazine
THE WASHPOND PADDLE… a paddle being a device for propelling a boat forward and the campsite being in WASHPOND LANE.
To introduce the daily diary you might care to sing with your usual fervour this verse based on the tune of the ETON BOATING SONG copies will be made available to you now
Let’s try that out……now
Jolly old camping weather
Should it rain or shine
We’ll stick together
Making the most of our time
Rowing on for ever
As the Washpond Paddle records
Rowing on for ever
As the Washpond Paddle records
SO WE BEGIN OUR JOURNAL
SATURDAY AUGUST 16th.
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Cliff confirmed that he arrived at the Common on time. He didn’t need to bother as my watch strap was broken while getting into the bath Friday night. I mended it with staples and band aids but then the pin fell out so I take Cliff’s word on the matter as I went the week without a watch. Who needs a watch with all those bugle calls. Thanks to those kind friends who pointed out that I am not supposed to wear a watch in the bath.
I suffered an immediate identity crisis as various new nicknames were bandied about but the one that stuck was from David, MAGMADDS.
Tricia, Harvey and chips came to see us off. We wished they were coming too. Harvey and Chips are so affectionate with their kisses.
The Roll was called, (not “ up yonder” ), Zoe had been chosen but not called as she wasn’t enlisted.
Andy Turner was called but didn’t answer, so presumably he wasn’t chosen still he was doing the calling. Cliff gave a briefer than usual pep talk, - particularly about no chewing gum, no rubbish on the floor, and “Everybody BELT UP”.
Simon Pickhaver, Canvas Man who is also Tent inspector, and First Aidy, tried to kid Nathaniel that he had to suffer initiation.
Simon gets a bit confused, bless him, and perhaps he hasn’t heard that that’s been dropped since we went civilised. One or two old stagers were concerned too to learn that Neptune was not coming to lunch this year. He had asked me to deputise for him. as he thought we were going to St Ives, so moored his boat there, and now being surrounded could not get his boat out of berth. Boat Bound. Still as Simon Heinrich points out I am never there when ever he comes.
Adidas Brown got very lively. Reports that she was a quiet sober lass have been greatly exaggerated. She was looking forward to the reunion with Nike Coote and Rebook Morton. Nutta Mines closed her eyes to drift into blissful sleep when eagle eyed Cliff from the driver’s seat yelled “Denise don’t go to sleep. I can’t!”
At 7.10 am enthusiasm broke out and lasted at least till we reached Fleet and the girls didn’t like it if any of us went to sleep. They soon put a stop to that. We picked up a very eager Andy Willitt and a cry went up, “ANDY, ANDY, ANDY, come and sit here”. So he sat behind Avis who then wagged her finger at him. A fella can’t win.
Cliff likened Andy Turner’s sartorial headgear to that of an upturned flower pot. It was alleged that later when his hat went missing, Andy could not recognise it inside out thinking it was another hat. Cliff switched in the heavy breathing apparatus.(the radio). Zoe and Adidas Brown reckoned that Magmadds should join the Back Street Boys…or the Spice Girls.
Adidas added maybe better if he just joined Old Spice, while Zoe suggested Passed it Spice. [ “and they are such delightful young ladies really, aren’t they?” ]
They asked Andy Turner how many trees there were on the camp site as they wanted to live in a Tree House , but we weren’t going near a motorway extension through an area of environmental beauty that needed protecting.
Adidas produced her cuddly lion named Ant and named after one, Anthony but she would not reveal his surname. Kirstie appeared to be feeding her virtual pet on Sunshine Flavour. Canvas Man who doesn’t like the Back Street Boys.(who could fail to like the Back street Boys, phew !) threatened to cut the amplifying wires enquiring in basic humanity “How can I kill it?” Kirstie then began singing to her virtual pet, a sort of lullaby.
Nath being new to camp, and having a sweet tooth took a handful of sweets from the bag being passed round, but he did put most of them back later, just has to learn the ropes. We excused his over indulgence.
Cowboy Brown, the number one Player did several circuits collecting our rubbish. He was considering bringing out an alternative Camp magazine but he wisely realised there’s a limited market.
A number of passengers found the seat belts restrictive and left their moorings. Simon Heiny moved in with Nutta Mines. Phil was wearing his “Wake up everybody!” shirt. Nath spent some time apparently hanging from the luggage rack and doing a sitting down hornpipe.
At Fleet we disembarked to use the facilities. Neptune led a party across the motorway bridge, but we could not find the fleet there or any sea, so we came back.
Angie Goodwin phoned home to Mum. That sorted out we re-embarked David and angie having stocked up on Bubble Gum Balls from a dispenser. The officers at the back admired their photographs in the Daily Mail. Helen and Kathryn provided lots of mirth without sharing the joke, appeared to be having a sisterly fight.
As we were passing St Leonards, band leader Andy started a brief Singalong. “Didn’t we have a lovely time the day we went to Swanage?”, followed by “One man went to mow”, followed by “ I know a maid.. opps, that’s a rude one!
Cliff kept shouting and we could not understand what, but it seems it may have been at the alleged bad driving of other road users. Chris facing a possible threat to the security of his tent, threatened to “pour carrots down their back”. Hughsy senior came down the aisle with a message from Cliff to “BELT UP” again and told us that we were 15 mile from Swanage. Four miles further on the sign post said “14 miles to Swanage. Maybe in Dorset the miles are longer.
Matt Player got off to another good start losing another tooth. Phone contact was made with the C.O. as we passed the ruins of Corfe Castle. As we entered Swanage we were waved down by, so it appeared, some country yokel brandishing an umbrella. This turned out to be the C.O. who escorted us to the Camp Site ,situated as usual, 5 minutes from the sea. The minutes are longer in Dorset along with the miles.
So we arrived at our beautiful camp site with the tents surrounded by pink, or was it red, clover. The first priority was find the tea bags. This took a fair bit of time. Were they in that tin we left in the Church kitchen? Fortunately not. Arthur was a bit concerned at the popularity of his packet of Pringles which Lyndsey appeared to be using for some promotional campaign. We were all happy to help Arthur to diet. Arthur was surprised that the first rule of camp was no longer “ I don’t speak until everyone is quiet”.
After Lunch, a party set out to explore how to get to the beach. We were all following our great leader, Malcolm, who was following Lynda. It is just as well we did not lose sight of her. It has been alleged that we were having Sunday Evening worship in the morning as Malcolm appears to be appearing at The Shades as Sinister Minister.
Angie Goodwin discovered that he had forgotten his swimming trunks but he found a way round that, and then his trainers broke but all in all he appeared to be enjoying it. Most of us went for a dip. The Player’s orange polo was much in use. The younger boys spent a lot of time on earthworks getting very muddy in the process. Some campers went shopping while others played volleyball.
For Dinner we had bangers, beans and taters followed by cakes. Paul came under some slight attack for making tea in a coffee pot. Personally I did not notice anything unusual. Paul was told to use new bags in future, not last years. Next year he can please himself . Andy Turner asked for a few seconds of our valuable time for an important announcement. It lasted 135 seconds.
We trooped off to the park for a game of Pudducks, and what a game that was, as described by my roving reporters, the Demon Bowler Flukesie Brown who bowled all the time, to ensure fair play I suppose that means that the bowling was regarded by some as consistently bad, the same for everyone, and the Twirling Dervish Nutta knocking the ball all over the place.. not to mention her remarkable catch when she caught the ball deftly with her shoe and then caught the ball on the rebound.
Darren tells me he made 4 catches, and several people shined but man of the match was our scorer Tea Boy Player, who kept all the runs in his brain and came up with the result Cliff’s Team 78, and the other team 72. Arthur immediately lodged a notice of appeal saying that Boys British Boys couldn’t count! Paul should have taken the advice offered “Add all the runs together and divide by two”, the way Arthur did it back here in 1988.
Back at Camp we proceeded to Prayers, on the Theme “Water, Water, everywhere”. We sang several lively songs, and had a reading from John chapter 4, and a collective “Thank you” prayer Then Andy Turner and his colleagues and friends began their game “Hunt his bedding”.. This proved inconclusive. It was light-heartedly suggested that maybe it had found it’s way into Dorothy’s handbag, as Arthur’s keys had in 1988.
Cliff tried throwing the javelin, only it wasn’t a javelin but Simon Heiny’s torch, a bulls eye straight into the refuse bin. Simon threatened to put Cliff in the bin next. Arthur taught some folk how to play Nap. The staff had a prayer meeting. After this most of us scattered to our tents and Denise and Matt sat up guarding the Camp Site, and so Saturday ended with a thunderstorm brewing in the distance which came closer and closer until it hung silently above us.
So during the very early hours of Sunday morning God watered this part of His garden with refreshing showers and apparently an angel of the LORD must have descended upon us as our tents were lighted with a golden light. Apparently this was caused by a human angel with a torch and we give thanks that someone was caring for us.
SUNDAY AUGUST 17th
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Rising early in the morning we made our way to and from the ‘public baths’ and grumbles about the toilet facilities were dispelled as all the way there and back we had showers!
At our destination we had a choice of 4 opportunities, 3 taps or don’t bother and 3 temperatures, all cool
needless to say one of our intrepid lady campers went in search of a gentleman who would get her into hot water.
All our staff set about their duties with enthusiasm adapting to the change of climate and some of us met for prayer in Ged’s Tent. Table tennis resumed, a sure sign that nothing has changed, business as usual, Alls Well!. At the morning prayer meeting we recalled that Elijah was a man of prayer, and when he prayed for a drought, no rain fell for 3½ years, and when he prayed for rain, he got it, bucket fulls. We are not sure who asked for what, but the weather cleared up.
We had an excellent repast for Breakfast of Lionel’s excellent porridge and fry up. Those who chose the cornflakes were not so happy but what can you expect with Tesco Value Corn flakes. You get what you pay for. We understand these were bought to encourage us to stick to Lionel’s porridge. Some people actually enjoyed them. Others were heard to mutter “The Cubs have Frosties”. Tent Inspection was won
by the Girls but we were not told how great their lead was.
Clearly canvas man was on a damage limitation exercise..
The plunger was missing from the ladies loo, and Dorothy was certain it was not in her handbag.
First highlight of the morning activities was Fire Drill with a brisk walk through the wet clover, due to the heavy dew. David was missing believed burnt to a cinder but turned up “late” full of life. Andy Turner, as officer of the Day, was seen heroically going from tent to tent rescuing victims from the imagined fiery inferno, the hero of the hour, but we were a bit deflated to learn that he was looking for his lost red arm-band.
It was reported too that he was becoming too strict. Two members of the fatigue squad being somewhat fatigued already and seeing the utensils to be cleaned particularly the porridge saucepan declared “I am not cleaning that” and “Nor am I”. However Mr Turner singled them out for just such a great privilege and insisted on them scrimping, scraping, and shining until the sauce pan gleamed like burnished silver, -- maybe he’d lost his mirror as well!
Andy Willitt asked how big the camp site was. He was told to walk from the hedge at one end to the hedge at the other counting his paces and then the same thing across, add the figures together and divide by 2 …if it works for scoring pudducks may be it works for other things too.
(Oh I’ll get my coat!) This oft repeated phrase was supposed to have an effect on someone, maybe someone will remember what and whom. Junior Staff members being rather knowledgeable in things entomological, they investigated a salt pot and discovered a thingyroach. Who else would be looking in salt pots for insects.
The time for Morning Worship approached and a stone henge shaped sacred site was created for worship.
It was then that we discovered that at the prayer meeting an element of confusion must have occurred as the drought rapidly ended in a heavy shower causing an evacuation to the Marquee
At Morning Worship the theme was BESIDE THE WATERS with some lively singing including the revamped Arsenal chorus “JESUS!”. We had some games. Postman’s Knock. Various people had to go and hide and come back and work out who was the anonymous leader of a chain reaction around the group of various aspects of “body language”.
Then we sang a Polish song as a round, depending on which side of the poles we were sitting, but some of us were confused by not knowing who the polish people amongst us were. Another game was a sort of version of charades as used in the programme of the 1950-1960,period on steam TV “What’s my line”. We had a reading from Matthew 4 v 18-22. The purpose of the whip-round that we had was explained to us and Malcolm said that had we been Ugandans and were we in Uganda we could have brought a goat, a chicken or some eggs. I don’t think the Camp Treasurer would have been too pleased if we had as he would have had to feed the goat and the chicken.
Still we had not really got any to bring although later in the day, (and most of the rest of the week) Cliff kept acting like a chicken and yelling “I’m having chicken tonight”. Glenys must have brought a supply of them but we never saw any but then the clover was quite tall. We could have brought Ant or some Virtual Pets although at £9-£15 a time the money would have been preferred. But I digress…the offering we actually brought in real old boring money…was in support of the B.B. World Conference’s International Extension Fund. Malcolm told us about the 5-10 year old Street Children in South Africa for which an outreach project has been organised. We were all encouraged to sign a postcard to them.
Malcolm told us of the readiness of the first disciples to give up their ordinary lives to follow Jesus and how exciting it would be if any of us this week realised and decided that we had been called to do just that. Maybe some long service Christians amongst us would discover a bit of OMPH in their renewal of commitment. (OMPH is a secret energy source provided by God the Holy Spirit and many people do not know that it exists).
Following Worship just about siesta time the BAND had a short practice session, which lasted an hour and was widely enjoyed.
The Bell Lyra section, the Brass Section and the War Drums had separate practice sessions and then all the Band sections played together. They played for us March No 1, Mockingbird , Those Marvellous Men in their Flying Machines, and Evita.
Meanwhile Arthur and Denise played volley ball. Dorothy watched arena events from her ringside seat, wearing her straw hat. Simon Heiny gave Angio and Ryan a few tips in camp craft. Lynda relaxed reading. The Marquee’s walls were demolished to ventilate it. Cliff was seen putting Darren in the Waste Skip in an altercation arising from washing Ryan.
Weeeeeeell led our Grace before meat. Steve stuffed his plate with 4 helpings of spuds. What is a weena? Apparently Simon is alleged to be one? We were told that Junior staff are allowed to do things legal within Camp rules, but we were not told what? Magmadds got his knees muddy kneeling, or was it grovelling, on the floor, so Zoe kindly washed them with her washing-up water. How thoughtful.
After our excellent Lunch a group of us went off to the beach, with Malcolm and John braving the ice cold waters while our best trained lifesavers and strongest swimmers huddled together on the beach.
Ryan organised Ryan’s Beach Water Scheme with his united team of experts. Unfortunately they soon squabbled over the minor details and fell out, and finished up destroying their efforts before the encroaching tide took over. The highlight of this exercise was when David with his top on, and looking relatively clean, fell into the pool he was helping to create. Cliff, Glenys, Mike, Lynda & Arthur
went for a walk to the Railway Centre and watched some cricket. Later Cliff, Denise and Matt played Rummy. Ryan, Andy and Magmadds, played crowfoot dominoes and the big boys played football with Darren and Angie, and Weeeeeeeel went for a quick trip. Malcolm taught James how to play “Continuance” from a Neapolitan Chocolate Box.
We enjoyed an excellent dinner, at which Magmadds had lettuce and diced onion in peach juice. The Bishop spent a lot of time trying to teach a wasp to eat jam from his plate. After Dinner the Junior Staff had laid on some unconventional Sports . There was Welly Throwing, which made Cliff rather excited and a bit dangerous. The awards were as follows, I think that Geoff was first for throwing the welly highest into orbit, Dorothy came first in throwing it the least distance and Cliff for throwing the farthest.
In the running we reckon Simon Pickhaver ran the fastest, right off his feet so that he ended the day a bit worse for wear, and then there was the Football throwing.
We applauded an excellent rendering of sunset retreat by a quintet.
Rosemary led Evening Prayers. We sang “This is the day” and “God is Good”. We considered postcard ideas. What should we write on them?. David suggested “Hope the weather is with you. It’s with us”.
Rosemary stressed the reason for using postcards and the theme of giving thanks, and went on to speak about our personal relationship with Jesus.
Chris Hughes reported the disappearance of some highly expensive silicon soles removed from his postcode area, just outside his tent, obviously in a very safe place for something expensive. If found return to him and claim the reward. Members of the staff spent an hilarious time playing UNO up to Lights Out, and again afterwards, with Cliff full to bursting with holy mirth.
It is reported that Malcolm is not the Sinister minister but that they were a lively group. Phil befriended a spider. Staff prayers were followed by gin rummy sessions into Monday morning by the alert night watch men. So the long day petered out under a beautiful clear starry sky and a bright Moon. ( “Oh, I’ll get my coat”)
MONDAY AUGUST 18th .
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The day began at various times for various folk with a lovely
bright Moon and loads of stars, and later a beautiful sunrise
followed later by thick mist drifting about and indeed the mist hung over Swanage most of the day giving the impression that the town was on fire..
The Gents had a problem with a blocked urinal and as early efforts to clear it failed we did consider swapping the Ladies and Gents signs round. Naughty of us really.
6.30am and all’s well and it was reported that Malcolm and Colleen were seen trying to escape Can’t blame them really.
The Officer of the day, Simon Pickhaver, was feeling a bit rough but was proceeding as efficiently as usual and anticipating a quiet uneventful day.
Inspection got underway with the girls giving encouraging support to the boys tent and given their age and under experience the boys did extremely well. Result Boys 82, Girls 85. Simon Heinrich was overheard to have asked “Have you had a shower?” which would have been a shade difficult unless someone had their own watering can at camp. Helen was seen to be sniffing the girls hands checking for signs of soap having been used.
We were told that the assistant Cook had been offered a day off. His working conditions seem to have improved to try to appease him but he seems to be only a number, poor chap, because later in the day outside the Player’s tent the catering staff were relaxing and one was heard to remarked “Um, Um, what’s his name?” to which Paul replied “Charlie” and that seemed to click O. K.
Breakfast was just slightly delayed so Simon asked “Does anyone know any good songs?”, whereupon the campers spontaneously launched into “Why are we waiting?” After this inspiring start to the day, and an excellent breakfast, Arthur led morning prayers with lots more singing as he reminded us what a good singer he is, by singing the Labour Party theme song “I am building a people of power”. Assisted by Kathryn and Helen he presented a little drama entitled “I am a tramp”.
Suffering from alcoholic poisoning and excessive anadin, down in the dumps, cold, fed up, sad, dejected ( Was this because Elaine was back home?) the tramp goes to Church and was rejected at the door 3 Sundays running, and he calls out to God for help and God’s reply was “Don’t despair, Don’t give up trying. I’ve been trying to get into that Church for 3 years.” Unfortunately this is sometimes all too true.
Arthur spoke about the little voices in our heads. The good voices like “Be kind to people” and we had an example of this later in the day when such a voice propelled Malcolm into the middle of the Beach Road to pick up lots of sticks of rock that had fallen out of a passing car; OR the bad voices like “I don’t like Arthur”. But we have to listen too to the inner voice of Jesus.
After prayers Denise led the tidy Team Out singing “ Oh I do love to be beside the seaside “ to raise morale.
Apart from the Camp staff who so valiantly get on with preparing our food, the main morning activity was the Great Trek to Swanage Railway Station with Matthew Player giving a running commentary of who was in the lead and how the composition of the leading pack changed. At the Station gifts and postcards were bought and Mr Magmadds acquired a Thomas the Tank Engine whistle with which to communicate with the Engine. Chris nearly missed the train.
At Harman’s Cross was a bit of platform marked “Bedding area Do not disturb “ So I dropped off to sleep and my erstwhile companions tried to write on my pad, but I awoke just in time. It was a beautiful journey. Did anyone win any thing in the raffle run by the ticket collectors. (No, we were too frightened of Malcolm to participate).
Arriving at Corfe some time was spent sorting out who was supposed to have come and who not. Then we set out for the castle …a large air filled plastic thing coloured red , yellow and green in which children were bouncing up and down. These Normans certainly liked amusing themselves.
Rosemary & Geoff on their own visited the model village, had a decent meal and a great ice-cream and then clambered up a lot of steps trying to find the rest of us. ( ASIDE. At the mention of the word decent when this was read out , a big wave of feeling arose from the Cooks table with some suggestions that the Diarist might like to eat out.) With no criticism of our cooks, I must say it was a civilised idea of having a meal and a look round Corfe before returning to Swanage, the rest of us appeared to have taken a train to Corfe simply to be able to walk back to Camp.
We just sheeplike followed Lynda on the road out of town and didn’t get to visit the castle we had come 170 miles to clamber over. Instead we proceeded back to camp just over the next hill, and then the next, the next, the next, the next, about 9 of them and we never found the ice cream shop until we got to Ulwell!.
Some disagreements occurred as to who we should be following through this mountainous region with all the little tombstones indicating those who did not find their way home from this inhospitable place devoid of shade and under the burning sun.
. Only mad dogs, Englishmen and the intrepid BB Campers go out walking in the mid-day sun. Some of us thought it was a good bet to follow the man with the map, twice winner of the Waltham Walk, as it was Matt Papa who was clearly the pacemaker, way out in front on his todd made it back home first by another way (Did he thumb a lift?) Of course it could be because the leading kids gave way to temptation in Vanity Fair, the kiddies playground of a caravan site, on the slide.
Along the route Mr Magmadds produced several aids to distance walking. A black sunshade which someone suggested attracted the heat. Anti-perspirent battery operated fans, a pure water spray and oranges. Some people come prepared. He also used his whistle quite a lot to communicate with Thomas, or was it Ben, Bill, George, Harry, Henry, Edward or James or one of the other friends of Thomas the Tank Engine which keep tooting at us from a safe distance. It was a long hot sticky trek of about 4 miles but it was worth it for the scenic beauty with beautiful views of Poole Harbour, Brownsea Island and Swanage Bay.
Back at Camp we had a lovely meal of corned beef hash followed by cherry topped trifle and plenty of second helpings. The fishing party sailed forth in Arthur’s minibus while others went into the Siesta.
Some of the Junior Staff did a bank job to raise cash. Other campers played volleyball or cards. Matt being a glutton for punishment, went walking, up to the obelisk and down over the hill towards Poole. Some played Jelly Boggle making up new words for the 1998 edition of the Oxford English dictionary. Some of us visited the beach, swimming, digging holes, and Matthew carved a sand boat. While these activities were pursued Arthur organised his staff for the Great Bean Feast and more of this year’s delicacy, French Toast – soft in the middle—except that some was soft all round except for one corner.
Clearly we need Miss Toast back.(ASIDE When this was read out Arthur protested “I will report you to Jean Sale who taught me all I know” to which John retorted “You cannot blame the teacher for the pupil”) Later the favoured few were distributed with slices of cheese. Lionel remarked “Congratulations on your success despite the staff”. Arthur smiled with pleasure saying “Lionel you are a pearl” (At this point my notes being read 6 months later, read “Malcolm showered him with kisses” did this really happen?). John did express his appreciation for Arthur’s excellent scrambled egg. True it was 12 years ago but his standards remain high.
After washing up we were told that the Sports Council was working out our next activity. So Arthur took command of the power vacuum and we all played pudducks with Emma scoring. Simon H, and Geoff did very well as backstops, Arthur exhausted himself bowling, standards of batting and fielding had improved greatly on the previous year.
Even Mr Magmadds was congratulated on staying so long at the crease and for his dive to save the ball from a boundary…pity he missed though! Zoe did very well stopping the ball with her foot and James with his hand, which stung a bit. We returned elated against a background of a beautiful sunset Simon H’s team 113 and Phil’s team 83.
Simon, Nath, James, Phil and Simon played an excellent Sunset Retreat as Andy W guided the flag down and the string up, so we had to take the flagpole down to retrieve the string. Simon, Simon, John and Geoff had fun with the external generator until the right switch was discovered. Later we had a power failure as we ran out of fuel but this was soon corrected.
Malcolm led evening prayers including a Mexican wave and the hornpipe “In the presence of your people!”. He read from Mark 4 (Here my notes entitled this “The storm of the gate” I think I must have been tired and that this meant “The storm on the lake”, and he reminded us that Jesus can turn round any situation reminding us that we can all fight the Inner Battle.
By 10 boys prayers being over, the staff held their prayers, praying particularly for the boys, and for Arthur who is leaving today. (Arrh!) and for Rachel and Lyndsey who were going off to America. The
Fishers, 4 dudes and a fair maiden returned with a conga eel caught by Chris weighing 6-7lb. Cliff claimed to have caught Nessie but that one got away. Chris enquired of his mum as to what she thought of his skill at catching an eel and her response was “When are you going to catch a pretty girl?”, and so to bed.
TUESDAY AUGUST 19th.
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It was about 2.30am when I checked the tents, returned the matches to the kitchen [ what an earth was he doing with matches at 2.30am?] retrieved my watch from the marquee and spent some time in their in the dark playing “Hunt my torch”. As I returned to my hotel room (tent) I heard someone coughing, I hope they feel better this morning, but no snoring and no one talking in their sleep.
Between 5 and 6am the Camp staff rose and went about their business. Arthur volunteered as Temporary Officer of the Day. When Mike went fishing he apparently forgot he was doing the job today. Something about the Committee never told him. Well at least that assures us of his sanity had we been in any doubt, which we aren’t, because as he was the committee it means he didn’t talk to himself.
Arthur eager as he was to help could not remember how to do the flag.
Denise introduced to Breakfast bran flakes and raisins. Any other ideas for livening up Breakfast will be published. Porridge and raisins was tasty too. I suppose we could have porridge and ‘chicken tonight’ after all we have ample helpings of “Chicken Tonight” all through the day.
Dorothy noted that we have a lot of stirrers in the Camp. Well we need stirrers and shakers in society to initiate change and development. I never have porridge at home, usually Weetabix and fruit. After all porridge has been on BB camp menus since 1886. Is it still relevant? To some folk probably not but that is one of the reasons I come to camp to enjoy Lionel’s porridge.
There appeared to have been some skull duggery going on in tents regarding inspection with clothing moving about ( could have been a mole) but the result was Boys 78 and Girls 78. To assist with inspection Mike appointed overseers, Simon Heinrich for the boys and Rachel Brown for the girls.
Then followed the “ Laying in State of Chris Hughes’ poor unsuspecting victim, Conga the Eel”. Since we are looking for a partner for Chris, was it male or female?. Chris called for photo calls of him and his victim, and of him and his accomplices. Mike then told us that there were a lot of pubs in Grimsby
and the fishermen of Grimsby are rough diamonds with vivid language, yet it was this type of people Jesus had called to become His first disciples. Some of us felt quite ill just looking at the poor creature, that had been a creature of beauty in it’s natural environment. What wickedness killing such a creature and then eating it. What are we coming to? It was disgraceful! Away with these blood sports let’s be civilised and open a tin of salmon for tea.
Dorothy led Morning Prayers with us singing “The king is among us”, and reminding us that THIS IS A DAY THAT WILL NEVER COME AGAIN. USE IT WELL. She read from Hebrews 10 v 24-25. Then various footballers performed a sort of dance routine going into a huddle. Let’s win for the sake of our coach, Jesus Christ. Let’s huddle to encourage one another, “not neglecting to meet together”. The Day is approaching when these days of life will end. Are we ready for the next match in the big league, Eternity? We sang “Jubilate” and “Worship His Majesty”. We gave thanks and said The Grace together.
Denise appealed for payment of credit at the Tuck shop by all those having things ON TICK. Shortly after prayers, the over Sixty’s bus left with Michael and Dorothy Hughes aboard. Band practice got underway with Mr Magmadds accompanying them on his Thomas the Tank engine whistle.
Some of us descended upon Swanage Beach the Children of Israel a-winding a long the foreshore led by Moses Malcolm Brown in his bright orange ‘T’ shirt ( the nearest thing we had to a pillar of fire) until the sacred site was arrived at. We took the inflateables including the shark. Matthew took his deflateable with the hole in it. The Captain’s launch was put to good use, at one stage with Mr Magmadds as rudder. Mr M had acquired additional buckets and spades so we set to work digging just like a bunch of squirrels but not for long. Matthew struck oil. Alas it was tar so our stay was brief. .
LUNCH was well received, pork strips, stuffing and vegetables followed by bread and butter pudding. Lionel was alleged to have remarked “O what’s gone wrong, that was lovely”.
After lunch we had WATER SPORTS organised by Simon Heinrich during which most of us got damp, as we passed water filled balloons to one another across a dividing pathway. We had to develop a knack for catching them in the right way. Andrew Goodwin survived the longest and won. During this activity
Andrew Heinrich and Sharon Dumps arrived.
24 of us set out for the fishy area of Swanage, where Cliff took a party off fishing for mackerel. The rest of us went messing about in boats for half an hour. I enjoyed being driven around the bay in a speed boat reliably and carefully driven by Simon Pickhaver and Emma Pearce in turns between them. Emma’s intended, Andrew Turner, not wishing to miss any opportunity for fishing was dangling a line over the back baited with bits of Andrew Heinrich’s sandwiches. As to the other lot in the other boat, well! A right mutinous crew.
All standing up much of the time, they seemed to be quarrelling as to who should drive. Phil, Simon H , Nathaniel, Helen and Kathryn and was there one other? At one stage Simon H was woman handling that Helen, and we had to swing our boat around in case we had to pick up survivors. They were rocking the boat and becoming a hazard to shipping.
After that enjoyable experience I walked off with Mike & Lynda and had a tasty blackberry ice cream after which we walked back to Camp. Shortly afterwards Cliff returned saying “The rest have fallen in”. Later still his crew arrived back full of praise for an enjoyable afternoon and it was reported to me that the fishermen had had a great time with a stupendous haul that had swamped the fish market. Matt had caught a crab basket and lost his tackle. Cliff had hastened back by taxi to get on with cremating Conga the Eel.
Chris walked back with Darren and Kirstie. They had stopped at a shop for an ice-cream. The shop saleswoman said to the children “You’ve got a nice father, treating you”. Chris ventured “I’m not their Dad”. The Saleswoman then enquired whether he was their cousin and finding he wasn’t she seemed to be growing suspicious of his intentions. Chris apparently replied “I cannot get a girl to love me” (Arhh!).The Saleswoman was clearly embarrassed. All suitors form an orderly queue. Various folk went walking or played table tennis or volleyball.
For TEA we had assorted cakes preceded by Spam and Salad, but about half the campers had Cliff’s special delicacy “Conga ala “What is it?”. David had 3 helpings and then felt poorly. A surprise unannounced Tent inspection left the girls with 55% and the boys with 78%. Andrew Turner suggested that the Junior Staff tents be added to Tent inspection. It was just as well no one suggested an unannounced inspection of the tent that he and his colleagues occupied .(Having said that, the tent was O K but their belongings were a shade muddled up. A few more coat-hangers, and string hooks would have helped.). “Not that I should say too much, if it was not for my tent-commander Andy, well!
The C.O. took off after tea with a party of boys to fish from the end of the pier and Mr Magmadds wore the red ribbon for a bit. Certain girls took an unfair advantage of the temporary change of command. PC Plod’s helmet got run up the flagpole. People amused themselves. Chris Hughes lost his wallet with all his worldly goods in (Plastic cards). Kirstie found it in the grass and wisely moved it to a place of safety, the Girl’s Tent. Well done.
The generator was started and promptly stopped but Michael Hughes came quickly to the rescue. The C.O returned for a late Sunset Retreat at 9. Then Malcolm led Evening Worship during which Elizabeth and Ryan did a little water race illustrating “Focusing on Jesus” and how focused on Jesus, Peter could walk on water until he let his faith waver, causing him to sink. Prayers were followed by cocoa . Mike led staff prayers. Some of the Junior Staff played cards until 12.30pm accompanied by singing. Included in their repertoire were 2 verse of the National Anthem, they did not seem to know the 3rd verse “Confuse their knavish tricks confound their politics”. Then we had excerpts from “Land of Hope & Glory”, Ten men went to mow…old Mother Reilly and her cow went to mow a meadow” carrying on to a more sober “Hallelujah! Praise the LORD”.
And so to bed and at 1.am the Camp is a silent world of shadows and white tents with the sounds of the sea, and of the ships out at sea, and the cry of a vixen fox for her cubs.
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 20th
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The day began cloudy after early morning rain. Whether or not this was the reason , the water pressure in the Ladies was rather high and caused Dorothy quite a fright when she nearly lost her dentures.
Denise opened her tent with a flourish to welcome the new day, and just saved herself from tripping over and nose diving to the ground. Chris decided to wash his hair and poured on to his hand most of a bottle of gel and stuck it on his head. It spread quickly and widely. Then we ran him a bowl of water which promptly capsized leaving foam all over the floor. Then Andy Turner took him in hand and sluiced him down…outside.
Andrew Heinrich was now Officer of the Day, so we were in a good pair of hands. The Table Tennis tournament run by Matt of the Paparazzi and Jill, got underway, the draw having taken place the night before in utmost secrecy by Mr Magmadds, after a recount. Phil tried ducking Mr Blobby in the fire bucket and then Simon H dropped Blobby’s hat in the fire bucket so Blobby tried ducking him, and so to Breakfast.
Andrew Heinrich skilfully led us in Grace without mentioning food. Breakfast was good. It must have been, as everybody supported it. Some things come and go as fads of fashion but Breakfast, Dinner and Tea remain popular activities and they survive well in this camp because of careful planning, thoughtful preparation, hard work and consumer satisfaction
(ASIDE “CREEP!”)
Tent Inspection gave the Girls 85% and the Boys 81%
Mike and Lynda led our worship reminding us that just as an electronic game did not come together by accident but had to be inspired, planned and made, so this was even more true of our planet and the Universe. The Big Bang and Evolution are theories of how the Universe may have come into existence, and theories tend to change with time and they still concern quantifiable material things, and they still require a cause and a reason.
Things don’t just happen. There is a Creator God. It is after all the fool who said in his heart “There is no God”. Or as God had it recorded in the book of Job. [Job 41 verse 11]..”Everything under heaven belongs to me”. We sang together “The Servant King”, remembering verse 3 “Hands that flung stars into space to cruel nails surrendered”.
After prayers and fatigues, we set off for various activities including tennis and putting. I was invited to go on a Banana boat. My mind said to me “John, you like bananas on your Weetabix ( or apples, pears, oranges or strawberries), but there was only, apparently, a banana boat. I went along with the idea, probably the wrong idea. I should have wondered why cautious responsible young officers decided not to make the numbers up.
So off I trotted with Phil, Helen, William, Kathryn and Rachel and my henchman ( or as one unkindly described him, my kick-start or was it side-kick?), Andy Willitt. I could not quite understand what they meant about Simon Heinrich having the courage and confidence to go bungie jumping with a rope tied round his ankle off a bridge over the river Zambesi in Zimbabwe last year but not enough to go on a banana boat.
When we got to the beach on this grey cloudy morning there was no one on the sea boating and there was no banana boat. At this, I felt quite relieved. Now we can go and do something safe. I reasoned without Phil who was sure that there was another banana boat further along the beach.
When we reached it they all stripped down to swim gear and “T” shirts and I thought I’d better do they same. There were no bananas to eat, and no Weetabix either. I asked the man with the oars” Does this strange craft ever capsize?”. He replied, “Rarely”. I asked him whether I should take my dentures out. He consulted his colleague, who suggested that it might be wise. Hardly very reassuring. Then we had to wear life jackets. I left my dentures and specs with Andy on the beach and my camera, advising him to take a picture of us.
Well, we got on this rocking horse straight thing which in shape and colour did resemble a banana. We took off nice and easy and slowly as the man paddled us out towards his own power boat and revved up the motor. Somebody muttered something about 50mph, which put me off. It should have been 15mph.
We zoomed forward with me hanging on for dear life to a small strip of leather. There were no seat belts, indeed there were no seats.
Then some daft irresponsible person started rocking us from side to side. You can’t take them anywhere can you?. Then we went around a bend a bit sudden and the next thing I knew I was under the water about to drown. Just as well I had committed the journey to God. The chap in the boat did not seem to care. He reckoned it was our fault but he was driving. I did not know then that there had been a bit of collusion between him and some of my fellow passengers who apparently wanted to go swimming. I was not at any time consulted.
Suddenly, whoosh, I surfaced and grabbed a rope. Then I got told off, (as usual,) for holding a handle but the man had said that 3 of us on each side should do that. With a big heave we righted the banana and scrambled back on board. With me promoted to the front. I particularly appreciate the care of my companions, and the efforts of our lifesavers particularly Phil for saving me from becoming Conga Food. We whooshed off again and really it was fantastic fun and so we returned to port. Andy had photographed us departing but we were so quick that we don’t appear on the picture.
Then all soggy wet we gravitated to the Amusement Arcade to dry off and Helen bought us ices. I had a tutti fruiti but I had to keep spitting the bit’s of fruit out as I could not wear my dentures which were contaminated with sand..
Everyone returned for LUNCH to discover that we had been joined by Sue and Ged Pearce and Sammy and Dawn Kitchener, with Edward Clarke.
What a great lunch we had, Chicken stew, Vegetables , and Peach Flan.
I was told that Sue had come well prepared for winter weather, 2 blankets, a duvet, a sleeping bag, and a hot water bottle. Well I usually bring all that except the duvet, though I have not yet used the hot water bottle. Then it has not been cold yet. I visited their tent. Immaculate, not like my tip.
Edward had brought a boat and he’d been up since 4am, and had had his bike stolen, and of course he brought his earlier fractured arm with him. What a day, getting here must have been a bit of an anti-climax
After Lunch we trooped off to various places again, most of us a to the Purbeck Leisure Centre part of a school complex at Wareham. Wareham has changed a bit since I was last there 36 years ago to visit some of my relatives, a sub-division of the big Brown family.
We went into a pool filled with chlorinated water. It seems to have the same effect on some people that alcohol has on others. It makes them excited and aggressive. That poor quiet cuddly passive giant, Cliff, was attacked by a whole hoard of apparently young men, and poor Cliffy couldn’t understand why. It seems that these chivalrous knights were defending some ladies, Dorothy and Denise who had experienced the strange sensation of being bowled over in the water by meeting a man. Apparently according to one who should know there was an anti-dote. The password was Sinus. It was the only thing likely to protect them.
We played “ball” using a large inflated beach ball with B.B. campers from the site we had used in 1988. It seems that everyone enjoyed themselves and after a rest in the refreshment lounge we returned to Camp.
Later during the evening our Band paraded to the Red Cross Centre using a rented school across the road to play to the handicapped children the Red Cross volunteers were caring for and providing a holiday to. This was much appreciated by them, the staff, and us, particularly we appreciated the new March with the twiddly bits. One child laying severely handicapped on a stretcher with limited senses benefited from the physical vibrations and was encouraged by our Bell Lyra players who went over to share with her. The eyes of a boy in a wheelchair lit up as Geoff let him try out the drumsticks. It was well worth the effort.
The 5-a-side football caused more excitement with Darren achieving a hat trick, Matthew making some good saves, and Stephen playing well despite a bit of a bruising. The Table Tennis Tournament carried on though it sounded like a riot….it is only a game. Stephen produced an excellent drawing of his dog Andy.
Malcolm led Evening Worship, and we began with the action song “My God is so great, so mighty there’s nothing He cannot do”.
We considered how we would react to someone in need of help and the importance of living in harmony. Under the title of “Not in the Water” we considered the plight of the paralysed man who lay near the Pool of Siloam in Jerusalem (John chapter 5) who needed help but could not get it. He spent 38 years trying to get healing in a pool Jesus solved his needs in less than 38 seconds. Get up! He did. We too need to stop relying on our crutches, our excuses, and trust Jesus.
After prayers and cocoa it was off to bed or whatever the boys get up to in their tents which we call bed. Staff prayers were led by Phil.
THURSDAY AUGUST 21st
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The day dawned but we don’t have any notes until Breakfast which was as super as usual. Table Tennis was under way before breakfast, so do they play it all night or in their dreams? Inspection was won by the girls with 91 points and the boys secured 86 points. Mr Magmadds read a statement as editor of the Washpond Paddle, it having stirred up a bit of a head of steam over various comments reported to it by campers about the food here.
Yesterday Lionel had read a poem as a rebuttal written in the kitchen which suggested Mr Magmadds might care to eat out in future. Of course we all take this criticism and counter criticism in good part as a standing joke really, but Mr M went to some lengths to make sure that the Catering staff had his full support and one of the things that kept him coming to camp year after year was the lovely food. However there were other campers with different food preferences who needed to be listened to, for assuming we attract new people to camp with us we have to accept their ideas, opinions, talents and contribution.
If we don’t then we may well lose them as we have done before. We all have to exercise tolerance and be willing to learn from one another. From his own point of view after coming to camp regularly since 1982 Mr M likes everything set before him except tomato soup, fish caught from the sea that hasn’t passed through a fishmonger, and curry. Lionel would not let us publish the poem, most of which Mr M thought was very well put together but how he found time to write it while getting our meals ready is a mystery.
Mr M then led Morning Prayers with the boys and girls doing a mimed story of the parable of the King and his servants with it’s emphasis that God requires all of us to be faithful to Him, and will reward us with greater opportunities and responsibilities.
After chores were done, a party set out to play putting. It is alleged that Matthew allowed the Captain to win by 1 shot on the strength of the possibility of an ice-cream, but at tea time and he was still waiting. So there must have been a misunderstanding. All’s fair in love, war and putting. You should get that sort of thing in writing. Other folk went off on a shopping expedition, but another group went off to Swanage to go mountain bike riding.
The Suppliers hadn’t got any tandems or pennyfarthings so Andy Willitt and Mr M had to make do with ordinary ones. Every picture tells a story, and this one told Mr M that his days riding a mountain bike are really over. He might go back to horse riding which he gave up after falling off a couple of years ago, ’cause the horse does the real work where as the bike expects the rider to do the hard graft.
The original bike was a frame with 2 wheels and a handlebar with no pedals and no brakes, which supported you as you walked along. That would have done just as well as we spent a lot of time walking.
To begin with we broke all the rules cycling on a pavement down a one way street. A policeman told Chris that we should stop, but Andy doesn’t like Policemen so he didn’t. We climbed a dirty great hill only to discover a dead end. So down again and up another. On and on we went and finally down a flight of steps.
Eventually we arrived exhausted at the Durleston Head Hotel where we all went in except Phil who looked after the bikes, and brought out lots of orange squash which we all guzzled for a long time. Phil and Will managed to demolish one of those big sunshade umbrellas.
Then downhill again scaring the tourists with Chris holding back to look after stragglers, so he said. We visited the Great Stone Globe dated 1887, it’s carved information a bit out of date now.
That was an excuse for another rest. Then on along the cliff path, we passed a place where on a good day dolphins could be seen playing. Clearly this was not a good day. The plan was to visit the Lighthouse, but this involved negotiating a steep ravine where we had to carry the bikes downhill and push them uphill.
From the lighthouse we had thought of locating our 1988 site but time ran out. From then on the route was down hill back into town, but Chris’s chain kept coming off.
After returning the bikes we walked back to camp in groups and an admirer bought a bunch of carnations for the Kitchen staff.
We had Tea for Lunch as the gas supply had failed. Ged alas is not yet used to camp etiquette. He despaired of his son-in-law, Sammy, who as Officer of the Day , he was confident would, as he supposed, call him and his table up first for every meal. As it had not happened he went up uncalled. A very unwise move. He didn’t make it.
Edward’s priorities were a bit in doubt. He had brought his oars but not his cutlery. Someone had got Cliff a model chicken so he could in reality have “Chicken tonight” every night, without telling us. We rejoiced with Rachel and Kathryn in their GCSE results. We enjoyed our bread pudding. A lot of time was spent all afternoon preparing for the evening’s Camp Concert.
Andrew and Emma spent some time in Poole shopping and visiting the aquarium watching the crocodiles and creepy crawlies and avoiding the snakes. Andy played at being a snake to scare her. He loves her really, though. There was there too a 3000 foot model railway. Lionel claimed to have caught a lot of unauthorised people in his kitchen but they all evaporated quickly.
Then there was Ryan’s fractured hip,. when he fell from being pushed. Young campers please do not push each other about. Soon all the First Aiders were gathered from all over the camp site to pool their expertise, poor Ryan. Ged was giving him friendly pastoral advice “He’s going to die. Does it hurt Ryan?”.
I am not much good at First Aid, and from my last course I would now need a refresher but the Red Cross taught us on that course to reassure the injured person! Anyway Ryan did not die but quickly recovered, as he was on stage later in the evening.
We enjoyed chicken for dinner followed by cake, so Cliff got his Chicken Tonight. Ged could not help with the washing up as he was on his coffee break. Another innovation.
The C.O. reported that Vegetable Preparations Director Michael Hughes had persistently asked him to help with the spud bashing (potato peeling). He declined as he takes on staff to do that. But Mr Hughes had left the potato peeler and a potato on his table, as a hint, and he had risen to the challenge and produced and presented to us Vegetable Man
The Concert was a roaring success. There were 15 turns and you’d be forgiven if you had a nasty turn yourself after that lot. Dorothy was a bit upset that Neptune did not turn up this year as she had him included in the Script so she had to ask a couple of people to deputise as the Mayor and Mayors of Swanage.
The first item was an enterprising version of A Question of Sport and that was a laugh a second especially when Andrew Heinrich accused Cliff Goodwin of cheating I thought we would have to call the police. (Well we had the helmet and whistle handy). This item was master minded by Matthew, Darren and James.
Ged & Sue and Denise finally got their VBS rap song together again and it was well worth the effort.
HOW ARE YOU BEING SERVED the 4 act Restaurant saga our answer to Coronation Street, having forgotten to load the Telly, was hilarious.
ONCE UPON A TIME introduced us to BALDILOCKS and the THREE BARES which was priceless, one of the best acts we’ve been able to bring in at tremendous cost, for years. Andy W kept coming on in between items to tell us he’d be on later.
The Officer’s Kit Inspection was a scream, with Junior Section Leading Boy David Timms as the Inspecting officer….and wasn’t he strict ? Didn’t Andrew T, Andrew H, Simon P and Chris get in a pickle? That must explain the state of their tent…they’ve been rehearsing.
Malcolm getting up at Camp was also hilarious. Oh dear I’m running out of adjectives, everything was jolly good.
Dennis and Chris from Grunty Fen visited us again with another new instalment and was a great laugh.
The Arrest by Ryan, Edward, Andrew and Elizabeth was well put together. Ged , Sue, Emma and Andy were a great giggle.-
The penultimate act was Mr M with the C. O.’ s camp song from 1988.
Then the Finale, Andy Willitt came on and shot the Third Year Juniors, Andrew, James and David. We bring them through Anchor Boys and Juniors and Andy with my gun shoots them just as they are about to join Company Section.
It is just as well it’s only make believe, and after all last year the kids shot each other in an all out battle. Mr Madds brought his policeman’s helmet to camp and that got used in 4 different acts.
The concert over, the Bar opened, that is to say the Cocoa was served. The C.O. announced the Camp run for 8am.
Then Malcolm sat down and said that he was fed up….everybody hated him. How did he find that out? Didn’t we clap enough when he was on earlier?.
Well of course he’d got it all wrong. We don’t hate him. We appreciate him. But Malcolm went on to talk about the disciples of Jesus, that group of men Jesus had spent 3 exciting years with and then he had been killed, and they did not know what to do next.
But said Malcolm we are different. We know what came next. Jesus rose from death triumphantly and is alive today and reigns in Heaven over His Kingdom, the kingdom that all Christians are citizens of and destined for. We know where Jesus is. What are we going to do about it? Jesus Christ is the best and only person we can follow. How near to Jesus are YOU?
It was reported to me that 3 of our young ladies were noticed chatting up two of the young men from the BB Camp next door called Simon and John Barnes.” “How old are you?” the boys said.
Well the replies can be best summed up as being economical with the truth. “Do you love me?” the girls said. That’s a big question for a first date. Our informant was a bit shocked by the replies.
Still it seems to have been love at first sight because the boys invited the girls round to play football. Clearly the boys know and have got, their priorities in the right order, find out if they are old enough to play football.
The first principal of romance, sharing the same interests, and what could be more important than sharing a football. Well done the Barnes brothers!
After LIGHTS OUT the Staff, 23 of us a met for Prayer led by Mike and Colleen. After that 7 of the younger staff went off on an authorised walk, and some Table Tennis was played by torch light, and Sammy handed over the Red band to Mr M. and the Night staff played cards till 1am. So ended Thursday.
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Camp 1997 at Swanage
The last time we camped at Swanage our Company was facing an uncertain future
The Captain had resigned to look for a new job. The officers had briefly considered whether perhaps the time had come to close the Company down. PERISH THE THOUGHT
Even the camp magazine reflected the sombre overtones THE SWANAGE SIREN….a warning of things to come. BUT there was the sign of hope at the Initiation that year when we added to the Roll of New Campers 5 who became stalwarts Avis and Lionel Turner, Captain Mike's parents. Dorothy and Michael Hughes and Andrew Heinrich. The Company in fact prospered. Mike got his new job, turned his resignation into a Sabbatical, upgraded the Band and resumed the Captaincy. The uncertainty turned out to be beneficial.
Today we face the uncertainty of falling membership this time next year we might have closed down…PERISH THE THOUGHT.
We are a few weeks away from a Recruitment Campaign to make Saffron Walden sit up and notice what the BB is and what it does, with the view of renewal and growth. With that in mind, the vision of moving forward I have called the Camp magazine
THE WASHPOND PADDLE… a paddle being a device for propelling a boat forward and the campsite being in WASHPOND LANE.
To introduce the daily diary you might care to sing with your usual fervour this verse based on the tune of the ETON BOATING SONG copies will be made available to you now
Let’s try that out……now
Jolly old camping weather
Should it rain or shine
We’ll stick together
Making the most of our time
Rowing on for ever
As the Washpond Paddle records
Rowing on for ever
As the Washpond Paddle records
SO WE BEGIN OUR JOURNAL
SATURDAY AUGUST 16th.
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Cliff confirmed that he arrived at the Common on time. He didn’t need to bother as my watch strap was broken while getting into the bath Friday night. I mended it with staples and band aids but then the pin fell out so I take Cliff’s word on the matter as I went the week without a watch. Who needs a watch with all those bugle calls. Thanks to those kind friends who pointed out that I am not supposed to wear a watch in the bath.
I suffered an immediate identity crisis as various new nicknames were bandied about but the one that stuck was from David, MAGMADDS.
Tricia, Harvey and chips came to see us off. We wished they were coming too. Harvey and Chips are so affectionate with their kisses.
The Roll was called, (not “ up yonder” ), Zoe had been chosen but not called as she wasn’t enlisted.
Andy Turner was called but didn’t answer, so presumably he wasn’t chosen still he was doing the calling. Cliff gave a briefer than usual pep talk, - particularly about no chewing gum, no rubbish on the floor, and “Everybody BELT UP”.
Simon Pickhaver, Canvas Man who is also Tent inspector, and First Aidy, tried to kid Nathaniel that he had to suffer initiation.
Simon gets a bit confused, bless him, and perhaps he hasn’t heard that that’s been dropped since we went civilised. One or two old stagers were concerned too to learn that Neptune was not coming to lunch this year. He had asked me to deputise for him. as he thought we were going to St Ives, so moored his boat there, and now being surrounded could not get his boat out of berth. Boat Bound. Still as Simon Heinrich points out I am never there when ever he comes.
Adidas Brown got very lively. Reports that she was a quiet sober lass have been greatly exaggerated. She was looking forward to the reunion with Nike Coote and Rebook Morton. Nutta Mines closed her eyes to drift into blissful sleep when eagle eyed Cliff from the driver’s seat yelled “Denise don’t go to sleep. I can’t!”
At 7.10 am enthusiasm broke out and lasted at least till we reached Fleet and the girls didn’t like it if any of us went to sleep. They soon put a stop to that. We picked up a very eager Andy Willitt and a cry went up, “ANDY, ANDY, ANDY, come and sit here”. So he sat behind Avis who then wagged her finger at him. A fella can’t win.
Cliff likened Andy Turner’s sartorial headgear to that of an upturned flower pot. It was alleged that later when his hat went missing, Andy could not recognise it inside out thinking it was another hat. Cliff switched in the heavy breathing apparatus.(the radio). Zoe and Adidas Brown reckoned that Magmadds should join the Back Street Boys…or the Spice Girls.
Adidas added maybe better if he just joined Old Spice, while Zoe suggested Passed it Spice. [ “and they are such delightful young ladies really, aren’t they?” ]
They asked Andy Turner how many trees there were on the camp site as they wanted to live in a Tree House , but we weren’t going near a motorway extension through an area of environmental beauty that needed protecting.
Adidas produced her cuddly lion named Ant and named after one, Anthony but she would not reveal his surname. Kirstie appeared to be feeding her virtual pet on Sunshine Flavour. Canvas Man who doesn’t like the Back Street Boys.(who could fail to like the Back street Boys, phew !) threatened to cut the amplifying wires enquiring in basic humanity “How can I kill it?” Kirstie then began singing to her virtual pet, a sort of lullaby.
Nath being new to camp, and having a sweet tooth took a handful of sweets from the bag being passed round, but he did put most of them back later, just has to learn the ropes. We excused his over indulgence.
Cowboy Brown, the number one Player did several circuits collecting our rubbish. He was considering bringing out an alternative Camp magazine but he wisely realised there’s a limited market.
A number of passengers found the seat belts restrictive and left their moorings. Simon Heiny moved in with Nutta Mines. Phil was wearing his “Wake up everybody!” shirt. Nath spent some time apparently hanging from the luggage rack and doing a sitting down hornpipe.
At Fleet we disembarked to use the facilities. Neptune led a party across the motorway bridge, but we could not find the fleet there or any sea, so we came back.
Angie Goodwin phoned home to Mum. That sorted out we re-embarked David and angie having stocked up on Bubble Gum Balls from a dispenser. The officers at the back admired their photographs in the Daily Mail. Helen and Kathryn provided lots of mirth without sharing the joke, appeared to be having a sisterly fight.
As we were passing St Leonards, band leader Andy started a brief Singalong. “Didn’t we have a lovely time the day we went to Swanage?”, followed by “One man went to mow”, followed by “ I know a maid.. opps, that’s a rude one!
Cliff kept shouting and we could not understand what, but it seems it may have been at the alleged bad driving of other road users. Chris facing a possible threat to the security of his tent, threatened to “pour carrots down their back”. Hughsy senior came down the aisle with a message from Cliff to “BELT UP” again and told us that we were 15 mile from Swanage. Four miles further on the sign post said “14 miles to Swanage. Maybe in Dorset the miles are longer.
Matt Player got off to another good start losing another tooth. Phone contact was made with the C.O. as we passed the ruins of Corfe Castle. As we entered Swanage we were waved down by, so it appeared, some country yokel brandishing an umbrella. This turned out to be the C.O. who escorted us to the Camp Site ,situated as usual, 5 minutes from the sea. The minutes are longer in Dorset along with the miles.
So we arrived at our beautiful camp site with the tents surrounded by pink, or was it red, clover. The first priority was find the tea bags. This took a fair bit of time. Were they in that tin we left in the Church kitchen? Fortunately not. Arthur was a bit concerned at the popularity of his packet of Pringles which Lyndsey appeared to be using for some promotional campaign. We were all happy to help Arthur to diet. Arthur was surprised that the first rule of camp was no longer “ I don’t speak until everyone is quiet”.
After Lunch, a party set out to explore how to get to the beach. We were all following our great leader, Malcolm, who was following Lynda. It is just as well we did not lose sight of her. It has been alleged that we were having Sunday Evening worship in the morning as Malcolm appears to be appearing at The Shades as Sinister Minister.
Angie Goodwin discovered that he had forgotten his swimming trunks but he found a way round that, and then his trainers broke but all in all he appeared to be enjoying it. Most of us went for a dip. The Player’s orange polo was much in use. The younger boys spent a lot of time on earthworks getting very muddy in the process. Some campers went shopping while others played volleyball.
For Dinner we had bangers, beans and taters followed by cakes. Paul came under some slight attack for making tea in a coffee pot. Personally I did not notice anything unusual. Paul was told to use new bags in future, not last years. Next year he can please himself . Andy Turner asked for a few seconds of our valuable time for an important announcement. It lasted 135 seconds.
We trooped off to the park for a game of Pudducks, and what a game that was, as described by my roving reporters, the Demon Bowler Flukesie Brown who bowled all the time, to ensure fair play I suppose that means that the bowling was regarded by some as consistently bad, the same for everyone, and the Twirling Dervish Nutta knocking the ball all over the place.. not to mention her remarkable catch when she caught the ball deftly with her shoe and then caught the ball on the rebound.
Darren tells me he made 4 catches, and several people shined but man of the match was our scorer Tea Boy Player, who kept all the runs in his brain and came up with the result Cliff’s Team 78, and the other team 72. Arthur immediately lodged a notice of appeal saying that Boys British Boys couldn’t count! Paul should have taken the advice offered “Add all the runs together and divide by two”, the way Arthur did it back here in 1988.
Back at Camp we proceeded to Prayers, on the Theme “Water, Water, everywhere”. We sang several lively songs, and had a reading from John chapter 4, and a collective “Thank you” prayer Then Andy Turner and his colleagues and friends began their game “Hunt his bedding”.. This proved inconclusive. It was light-heartedly suggested that maybe it had found it’s way into Dorothy’s handbag, as Arthur’s keys had in 1988.
Cliff tried throwing the javelin, only it wasn’t a javelin but Simon Heiny’s torch, a bulls eye straight into the refuse bin. Simon threatened to put Cliff in the bin next. Arthur taught some folk how to play Nap. The staff had a prayer meeting. After this most of us scattered to our tents and Denise and Matt sat up guarding the Camp Site, and so Saturday ended with a thunderstorm brewing in the distance which came closer and closer until it hung silently above us.
So during the very early hours of Sunday morning God watered this part of His garden with refreshing showers and apparently an angel of the LORD must have descended upon us as our tents were lighted with a golden light. Apparently this was caused by a human angel with a torch and we give thanks that someone was caring for us.
SUNDAY AUGUST 17th
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Rising early in the morning we made our way to and from the ‘public baths’ and grumbles about the toilet facilities were dispelled as all the way there and back we had showers!
At our destination we had a choice of 4 opportunities, 3 taps or don’t bother and 3 temperatures, all cool
needless to say one of our intrepid lady campers went in search of a gentleman who would get her into hot water.
All our staff set about their duties with enthusiasm adapting to the change of climate and some of us met for prayer in Ged’s Tent. Table tennis resumed, a sure sign that nothing has changed, business as usual, Alls Well!. At the morning prayer meeting we recalled that Elijah was a man of prayer, and when he prayed for a drought, no rain fell for 3½ years, and when he prayed for rain, he got it, bucket fulls. We are not sure who asked for what, but the weather cleared up.
We had an excellent repast for Breakfast of Lionel’s excellent porridge and fry up. Those who chose the cornflakes were not so happy but what can you expect with Tesco Value Corn flakes. You get what you pay for. We understand these were bought to encourage us to stick to Lionel’s porridge. Some people actually enjoyed them. Others were heard to mutter “The Cubs have Frosties”. Tent Inspection was won
by the Girls but we were not told how great their lead was.
Clearly canvas man was on a damage limitation exercise..
The plunger was missing from the ladies loo, and Dorothy was certain it was not in her handbag.
First highlight of the morning activities was Fire Drill with a brisk walk through the wet clover, due to the heavy dew. David was missing believed burnt to a cinder but turned up “late” full of life. Andy Turner, as officer of the Day, was seen heroically going from tent to tent rescuing victims from the imagined fiery inferno, the hero of the hour, but we were a bit deflated to learn that he was looking for his lost red arm-band.
It was reported too that he was becoming too strict. Two members of the fatigue squad being somewhat fatigued already and seeing the utensils to be cleaned particularly the porridge saucepan declared “I am not cleaning that” and “Nor am I”. However Mr Turner singled them out for just such a great privilege and insisted on them scrimping, scraping, and shining until the sauce pan gleamed like burnished silver, -- maybe he’d lost his mirror as well!
Andy Willitt asked how big the camp site was. He was told to walk from the hedge at one end to the hedge at the other counting his paces and then the same thing across, add the figures together and divide by 2 …if it works for scoring pudducks may be it works for other things too.
(Oh I’ll get my coat!) This oft repeated phrase was supposed to have an effect on someone, maybe someone will remember what and whom. Junior Staff members being rather knowledgeable in things entomological, they investigated a salt pot and discovered a thingyroach. Who else would be looking in salt pots for insects.
The time for Morning Worship approached and a stone henge shaped sacred site was created for worship.
It was then that we discovered that at the prayer meeting an element of confusion must have occurred as the drought rapidly ended in a heavy shower causing an evacuation to the Marquee
At Morning Worship the theme was BESIDE THE WATERS with some lively singing including the revamped Arsenal chorus “JESUS!”. We had some games. Postman’s Knock. Various people had to go and hide and come back and work out who was the anonymous leader of a chain reaction around the group of various aspects of “body language”.
Then we sang a Polish song as a round, depending on which side of the poles we were sitting, but some of us were confused by not knowing who the polish people amongst us were. Another game was a sort of version of charades as used in the programme of the 1950-1960,period on steam TV “What’s my line”. We had a reading from Matthew 4 v 18-22. The purpose of the whip-round that we had was explained to us and Malcolm said that had we been Ugandans and were we in Uganda we could have brought a goat, a chicken or some eggs. I don’t think the Camp Treasurer would have been too pleased if we had as he would have had to feed the goat and the chicken.
Still we had not really got any to bring although later in the day, (and most of the rest of the week) Cliff kept acting like a chicken and yelling “I’m having chicken tonight”. Glenys must have brought a supply of them but we never saw any but then the clover was quite tall. We could have brought Ant or some Virtual Pets although at £9-£15 a time the money would have been preferred. But I digress…the offering we actually brought in real old boring money…was in support of the B.B. World Conference’s International Extension Fund. Malcolm told us about the 5-10 year old Street Children in South Africa for which an outreach project has been organised. We were all encouraged to sign a postcard to them.
Malcolm told us of the readiness of the first disciples to give up their ordinary lives to follow Jesus and how exciting it would be if any of us this week realised and decided that we had been called to do just that. Maybe some long service Christians amongst us would discover a bit of OMPH in their renewal of commitment. (OMPH is a secret energy source provided by God the Holy Spirit and many people do not know that it exists).
Following Worship just about siesta time the BAND had a short practice session, which lasted an hour and was widely enjoyed.
The Bell Lyra section, the Brass Section and the War Drums had separate practice sessions and then all the Band sections played together. They played for us March No 1, Mockingbird , Those Marvellous Men in their Flying Machines, and Evita.
Meanwhile Arthur and Denise played volley ball. Dorothy watched arena events from her ringside seat, wearing her straw hat. Simon Heiny gave Angio and Ryan a few tips in camp craft. Lynda relaxed reading. The Marquee’s walls were demolished to ventilate it. Cliff was seen putting Darren in the Waste Skip in an altercation arising from washing Ryan.
Weeeeeeell led our Grace before meat. Steve stuffed his plate with 4 helpings of spuds. What is a weena? Apparently Simon is alleged to be one? We were told that Junior staff are allowed to do things legal within Camp rules, but we were not told what? Magmadds got his knees muddy kneeling, or was it grovelling, on the floor, so Zoe kindly washed them with her washing-up water. How thoughtful.
After our excellent Lunch a group of us went off to the beach, with Malcolm and John braving the ice cold waters while our best trained lifesavers and strongest swimmers huddled together on the beach.
Ryan organised Ryan’s Beach Water Scheme with his united team of experts. Unfortunately they soon squabbled over the minor details and fell out, and finished up destroying their efforts before the encroaching tide took over. The highlight of this exercise was when David with his top on, and looking relatively clean, fell into the pool he was helping to create. Cliff, Glenys, Mike, Lynda & Arthur
went for a walk to the Railway Centre and watched some cricket. Later Cliff, Denise and Matt played Rummy. Ryan, Andy and Magmadds, played crowfoot dominoes and the big boys played football with Darren and Angie, and Weeeeeeeel went for a quick trip. Malcolm taught James how to play “Continuance” from a Neapolitan Chocolate Box.
We enjoyed an excellent dinner, at which Magmadds had lettuce and diced onion in peach juice. The Bishop spent a lot of time trying to teach a wasp to eat jam from his plate. After Dinner the Junior Staff had laid on some unconventional Sports . There was Welly Throwing, which made Cliff rather excited and a bit dangerous. The awards were as follows, I think that Geoff was first for throwing the welly highest into orbit, Dorothy came first in throwing it the least distance and Cliff for throwing the farthest.
In the running we reckon Simon Pickhaver ran the fastest, right off his feet so that he ended the day a bit worse for wear, and then there was the Football throwing.
We applauded an excellent rendering of sunset retreat by a quintet.
Rosemary led Evening Prayers. We sang “This is the day” and “God is Good”. We considered postcard ideas. What should we write on them?. David suggested “Hope the weather is with you. It’s with us”.
Rosemary stressed the reason for using postcards and the theme of giving thanks, and went on to speak about our personal relationship with Jesus.
Chris Hughes reported the disappearance of some highly expensive silicon soles removed from his postcode area, just outside his tent, obviously in a very safe place for something expensive. If found return to him and claim the reward. Members of the staff spent an hilarious time playing UNO up to Lights Out, and again afterwards, with Cliff full to bursting with holy mirth.
It is reported that Malcolm is not the Sinister minister but that they were a lively group. Phil befriended a spider. Staff prayers were followed by gin rummy sessions into Monday morning by the alert night watch men. So the long day petered out under a beautiful clear starry sky and a bright Moon. ( “Oh, I’ll get my coat”)
MONDAY AUGUST 18th .
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The day began at various times for various folk with a lovely
bright Moon and loads of stars, and later a beautiful sunrise
followed later by thick mist drifting about and indeed the mist hung over Swanage most of the day giving the impression that the town was on fire..
The Gents had a problem with a blocked urinal and as early efforts to clear it failed we did consider swapping the Ladies and Gents signs round. Naughty of us really.
6.30am and all’s well and it was reported that Malcolm and Colleen were seen trying to escape Can’t blame them really.
The Officer of the day, Simon Pickhaver, was feeling a bit rough but was proceeding as efficiently as usual and anticipating a quiet uneventful day.
Inspection got underway with the girls giving encouraging support to the boys tent and given their age and under experience the boys did extremely well. Result Boys 82, Girls 85. Simon Heinrich was overheard to have asked “Have you had a shower?” which would have been a shade difficult unless someone had their own watering can at camp. Helen was seen to be sniffing the girls hands checking for signs of soap having been used.
We were told that the assistant Cook had been offered a day off. His working conditions seem to have improved to try to appease him but he seems to be only a number, poor chap, because later in the day outside the Player’s tent the catering staff were relaxing and one was heard to remarked “Um, Um, what’s his name?” to which Paul replied “Charlie” and that seemed to click O. K.
Breakfast was just slightly delayed so Simon asked “Does anyone know any good songs?”, whereupon the campers spontaneously launched into “Why are we waiting?” After this inspiring start to the day, and an excellent breakfast, Arthur led morning prayers with lots more singing as he reminded us what a good singer he is, by singing the Labour Party theme song “I am building a people of power”. Assisted by Kathryn and Helen he presented a little drama entitled “I am a tramp”.
Suffering from alcoholic poisoning and excessive anadin, down in the dumps, cold, fed up, sad, dejected ( Was this because Elaine was back home?) the tramp goes to Church and was rejected at the door 3 Sundays running, and he calls out to God for help and God’s reply was “Don’t despair, Don’t give up trying. I’ve been trying to get into that Church for 3 years.” Unfortunately this is sometimes all too true.
Arthur spoke about the little voices in our heads. The good voices like “Be kind to people” and we had an example of this later in the day when such a voice propelled Malcolm into the middle of the Beach Road to pick up lots of sticks of rock that had fallen out of a passing car; OR the bad voices like “I don’t like Arthur”. But we have to listen too to the inner voice of Jesus.
After prayers Denise led the tidy Team Out singing “ Oh I do love to be beside the seaside “ to raise morale.
Apart from the Camp staff who so valiantly get on with preparing our food, the main morning activity was the Great Trek to Swanage Railway Station with Matthew Player giving a running commentary of who was in the lead and how the composition of the leading pack changed. At the Station gifts and postcards were bought and Mr Magmadds acquired a Thomas the Tank Engine whistle with which to communicate with the Engine. Chris nearly missed the train.
At Harman’s Cross was a bit of platform marked “Bedding area Do not disturb “ So I dropped off to sleep and my erstwhile companions tried to write on my pad, but I awoke just in time. It was a beautiful journey. Did anyone win any thing in the raffle run by the ticket collectors. (No, we were too frightened of Malcolm to participate).
Arriving at Corfe some time was spent sorting out who was supposed to have come and who not. Then we set out for the castle …a large air filled plastic thing coloured red , yellow and green in which children were bouncing up and down. These Normans certainly liked amusing themselves.
Rosemary & Geoff on their own visited the model village, had a decent meal and a great ice-cream and then clambered up a lot of steps trying to find the rest of us. ( ASIDE. At the mention of the word decent when this was read out , a big wave of feeling arose from the Cooks table with some suggestions that the Diarist might like to eat out.) With no criticism of our cooks, I must say it was a civilised idea of having a meal and a look round Corfe before returning to Swanage, the rest of us appeared to have taken a train to Corfe simply to be able to walk back to Camp.
We just sheeplike followed Lynda on the road out of town and didn’t get to visit the castle we had come 170 miles to clamber over. Instead we proceeded back to camp just over the next hill, and then the next, the next, the next, the next, about 9 of them and we never found the ice cream shop until we got to Ulwell!.
Some disagreements occurred as to who we should be following through this mountainous region with all the little tombstones indicating those who did not find their way home from this inhospitable place devoid of shade and under the burning sun.
. Only mad dogs, Englishmen and the intrepid BB Campers go out walking in the mid-day sun. Some of us thought it was a good bet to follow the man with the map, twice winner of the Waltham Walk, as it was Matt Papa who was clearly the pacemaker, way out in front on his todd made it back home first by another way (Did he thumb a lift?) Of course it could be because the leading kids gave way to temptation in Vanity Fair, the kiddies playground of a caravan site, on the slide.
Along the route Mr Magmadds produced several aids to distance walking. A black sunshade which someone suggested attracted the heat. Anti-perspirent battery operated fans, a pure water spray and oranges. Some people come prepared. He also used his whistle quite a lot to communicate with Thomas, or was it Ben, Bill, George, Harry, Henry, Edward or James or one of the other friends of Thomas the Tank Engine which keep tooting at us from a safe distance. It was a long hot sticky trek of about 4 miles but it was worth it for the scenic beauty with beautiful views of Poole Harbour, Brownsea Island and Swanage Bay.
Back at Camp we had a lovely meal of corned beef hash followed by cherry topped trifle and plenty of second helpings. The fishing party sailed forth in Arthur’s minibus while others went into the Siesta.
Some of the Junior Staff did a bank job to raise cash. Other campers played volleyball or cards. Matt being a glutton for punishment, went walking, up to the obelisk and down over the hill towards Poole. Some played Jelly Boggle making up new words for the 1998 edition of the Oxford English dictionary. Some of us visited the beach, swimming, digging holes, and Matthew carved a sand boat. While these activities were pursued Arthur organised his staff for the Great Bean Feast and more of this year’s delicacy, French Toast – soft in the middle—except that some was soft all round except for one corner.
Clearly we need Miss Toast back.(ASIDE When this was read out Arthur protested “I will report you to Jean Sale who taught me all I know” to which John retorted “You cannot blame the teacher for the pupil”) Later the favoured few were distributed with slices of cheese. Lionel remarked “Congratulations on your success despite the staff”. Arthur smiled with pleasure saying “Lionel you are a pearl” (At this point my notes being read 6 months later, read “Malcolm showered him with kisses” did this really happen?). John did express his appreciation for Arthur’s excellent scrambled egg. True it was 12 years ago but his standards remain high.
After washing up we were told that the Sports Council was working out our next activity. So Arthur took command of the power vacuum and we all played pudducks with Emma scoring. Simon H, and Geoff did very well as backstops, Arthur exhausted himself bowling, standards of batting and fielding had improved greatly on the previous year.
Even Mr Magmadds was congratulated on staying so long at the crease and for his dive to save the ball from a boundary…pity he missed though! Zoe did very well stopping the ball with her foot and James with his hand, which stung a bit. We returned elated against a background of a beautiful sunset Simon H’s team 113 and Phil’s team 83.
Simon, Nath, James, Phil and Simon played an excellent Sunset Retreat as Andy W guided the flag down and the string up, so we had to take the flagpole down to retrieve the string. Simon, Simon, John and Geoff had fun with the external generator until the right switch was discovered. Later we had a power failure as we ran out of fuel but this was soon corrected.
Malcolm led evening prayers including a Mexican wave and the hornpipe “In the presence of your people!”. He read from Mark 4 (Here my notes entitled this “The storm of the gate” I think I must have been tired and that this meant “The storm on the lake”, and he reminded us that Jesus can turn round any situation reminding us that we can all fight the Inner Battle.
By 10 boys prayers being over, the staff held their prayers, praying particularly for the boys, and for Arthur who is leaving today. (Arrh!) and for Rachel and Lyndsey who were going off to America. The
Fishers, 4 dudes and a fair maiden returned with a conga eel caught by Chris weighing 6-7lb. Cliff claimed to have caught Nessie but that one got away. Chris enquired of his mum as to what she thought of his skill at catching an eel and her response was “When are you going to catch a pretty girl?”, and so to bed.
TUESDAY AUGUST 19th.
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It was about 2.30am when I checked the tents, returned the matches to the kitchen [ what an earth was he doing with matches at 2.30am?] retrieved my watch from the marquee and spent some time in their in the dark playing “Hunt my torch”. As I returned to my hotel room (tent) I heard someone coughing, I hope they feel better this morning, but no snoring and no one talking in their sleep.
Between 5 and 6am the Camp staff rose and went about their business. Arthur volunteered as Temporary Officer of the Day. When Mike went fishing he apparently forgot he was doing the job today. Something about the Committee never told him. Well at least that assures us of his sanity had we been in any doubt, which we aren’t, because as he was the committee it means he didn’t talk to himself.
Arthur eager as he was to help could not remember how to do the flag.
Denise introduced to Breakfast bran flakes and raisins. Any other ideas for livening up Breakfast will be published. Porridge and raisins was tasty too. I suppose we could have porridge and ‘chicken tonight’ after all we have ample helpings of “Chicken Tonight” all through the day.
Dorothy noted that we have a lot of stirrers in the Camp. Well we need stirrers and shakers in society to initiate change and development. I never have porridge at home, usually Weetabix and fruit. After all porridge has been on BB camp menus since 1886. Is it still relevant? To some folk probably not but that is one of the reasons I come to camp to enjoy Lionel’s porridge.
There appeared to have been some skull duggery going on in tents regarding inspection with clothing moving about ( could have been a mole) but the result was Boys 78 and Girls 78. To assist with inspection Mike appointed overseers, Simon Heinrich for the boys and Rachel Brown for the girls.
Then followed the “ Laying in State of Chris Hughes’ poor unsuspecting victim, Conga the Eel”. Since we are looking for a partner for Chris, was it male or female?. Chris called for photo calls of him and his victim, and of him and his accomplices. Mike then told us that there were a lot of pubs in Grimsby
and the fishermen of Grimsby are rough diamonds with vivid language, yet it was this type of people Jesus had called to become His first disciples. Some of us felt quite ill just looking at the poor creature, that had been a creature of beauty in it’s natural environment. What wickedness killing such a creature and then eating it. What are we coming to? It was disgraceful! Away with these blood sports let’s be civilised and open a tin of salmon for tea.
Dorothy led Morning Prayers with us singing “The king is among us”, and reminding us that THIS IS A DAY THAT WILL NEVER COME AGAIN. USE IT WELL. She read from Hebrews 10 v 24-25. Then various footballers performed a sort of dance routine going into a huddle. Let’s win for the sake of our coach, Jesus Christ. Let’s huddle to encourage one another, “not neglecting to meet together”. The Day is approaching when these days of life will end. Are we ready for the next match in the big league, Eternity? We sang “Jubilate” and “Worship His Majesty”. We gave thanks and said The Grace together.
Denise appealed for payment of credit at the Tuck shop by all those having things ON TICK. Shortly after prayers, the over Sixty’s bus left with Michael and Dorothy Hughes aboard. Band practice got underway with Mr Magmadds accompanying them on his Thomas the Tank engine whistle.
Some of us descended upon Swanage Beach the Children of Israel a-winding a long the foreshore led by Moses Malcolm Brown in his bright orange ‘T’ shirt ( the nearest thing we had to a pillar of fire) until the sacred site was arrived at. We took the inflateables including the shark. Matthew took his deflateable with the hole in it. The Captain’s launch was put to good use, at one stage with Mr Magmadds as rudder. Mr M had acquired additional buckets and spades so we set to work digging just like a bunch of squirrels but not for long. Matthew struck oil. Alas it was tar so our stay was brief. .
LUNCH was well received, pork strips, stuffing and vegetables followed by bread and butter pudding. Lionel was alleged to have remarked “O what’s gone wrong, that was lovely”.
After lunch we had WATER SPORTS organised by Simon Heinrich during which most of us got damp, as we passed water filled balloons to one another across a dividing pathway. We had to develop a knack for catching them in the right way. Andrew Goodwin survived the longest and won. During this activity
Andrew Heinrich and Sharon Dumps arrived.
24 of us set out for the fishy area of Swanage, where Cliff took a party off fishing for mackerel. The rest of us went messing about in boats for half an hour. I enjoyed being driven around the bay in a speed boat reliably and carefully driven by Simon Pickhaver and Emma Pearce in turns between them. Emma’s intended, Andrew Turner, not wishing to miss any opportunity for fishing was dangling a line over the back baited with bits of Andrew Heinrich’s sandwiches. As to the other lot in the other boat, well! A right mutinous crew.
All standing up much of the time, they seemed to be quarrelling as to who should drive. Phil, Simon H , Nathaniel, Helen and Kathryn and was there one other? At one stage Simon H was woman handling that Helen, and we had to swing our boat around in case we had to pick up survivors. They were rocking the boat and becoming a hazard to shipping.
After that enjoyable experience I walked off with Mike & Lynda and had a tasty blackberry ice cream after which we walked back to Camp. Shortly afterwards Cliff returned saying “The rest have fallen in”. Later still his crew arrived back full of praise for an enjoyable afternoon and it was reported to me that the fishermen had had a great time with a stupendous haul that had swamped the fish market. Matt had caught a crab basket and lost his tackle. Cliff had hastened back by taxi to get on with cremating Conga the Eel.
Chris walked back with Darren and Kirstie. They had stopped at a shop for an ice-cream. The shop saleswoman said to the children “You’ve got a nice father, treating you”. Chris ventured “I’m not their Dad”. The Saleswoman then enquired whether he was their cousin and finding he wasn’t she seemed to be growing suspicious of his intentions. Chris apparently replied “I cannot get a girl to love me” (Arhh!).The Saleswoman was clearly embarrassed. All suitors form an orderly queue. Various folk went walking or played table tennis or volleyball.
For TEA we had assorted cakes preceded by Spam and Salad, but about half the campers had Cliff’s special delicacy “Conga ala “What is it?”. David had 3 helpings and then felt poorly. A surprise unannounced Tent inspection left the girls with 55% and the boys with 78%. Andrew Turner suggested that the Junior Staff tents be added to Tent inspection. It was just as well no one suggested an unannounced inspection of the tent that he and his colleagues occupied .(Having said that, the tent was O K but their belongings were a shade muddled up. A few more coat-hangers, and string hooks would have helped.). “Not that I should say too much, if it was not for my tent-commander Andy, well!
The C.O. took off after tea with a party of boys to fish from the end of the pier and Mr Magmadds wore the red ribbon for a bit. Certain girls took an unfair advantage of the temporary change of command. PC Plod’s helmet got run up the flagpole. People amused themselves. Chris Hughes lost his wallet with all his worldly goods in (Plastic cards). Kirstie found it in the grass and wisely moved it to a place of safety, the Girl’s Tent. Well done.
The generator was started and promptly stopped but Michael Hughes came quickly to the rescue. The C.O returned for a late Sunset Retreat at 9. Then Malcolm led Evening Worship during which Elizabeth and Ryan did a little water race illustrating “Focusing on Jesus” and how focused on Jesus, Peter could walk on water until he let his faith waver, causing him to sink. Prayers were followed by cocoa . Mike led staff prayers. Some of the Junior Staff played cards until 12.30pm accompanied by singing. Included in their repertoire were 2 verse of the National Anthem, they did not seem to know the 3rd verse “Confuse their knavish tricks confound their politics”. Then we had excerpts from “Land of Hope & Glory”, Ten men went to mow…old Mother Reilly and her cow went to mow a meadow” carrying on to a more sober “Hallelujah! Praise the LORD”.
And so to bed and at 1.am the Camp is a silent world of shadows and white tents with the sounds of the sea, and of the ships out at sea, and the cry of a vixen fox for her cubs.
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 20th
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The day began cloudy after early morning rain. Whether or not this was the reason , the water pressure in the Ladies was rather high and caused Dorothy quite a fright when she nearly lost her dentures.
Denise opened her tent with a flourish to welcome the new day, and just saved herself from tripping over and nose diving to the ground. Chris decided to wash his hair and poured on to his hand most of a bottle of gel and stuck it on his head. It spread quickly and widely. Then we ran him a bowl of water which promptly capsized leaving foam all over the floor. Then Andy Turner took him in hand and sluiced him down…outside.
Andrew Heinrich was now Officer of the Day, so we were in a good pair of hands. The Table Tennis tournament run by Matt of the Paparazzi and Jill, got underway, the draw having taken place the night before in utmost secrecy by Mr Magmadds, after a recount. Phil tried ducking Mr Blobby in the fire bucket and then Simon H dropped Blobby’s hat in the fire bucket so Blobby tried ducking him, and so to Breakfast.
Andrew Heinrich skilfully led us in Grace without mentioning food. Breakfast was good. It must have been, as everybody supported it. Some things come and go as fads of fashion but Breakfast, Dinner and Tea remain popular activities and they survive well in this camp because of careful planning, thoughtful preparation, hard work and consumer satisfaction
(ASIDE “CREEP!”)
Tent Inspection gave the Girls 85% and the Boys 81%
Mike and Lynda led our worship reminding us that just as an electronic game did not come together by accident but had to be inspired, planned and made, so this was even more true of our planet and the Universe. The Big Bang and Evolution are theories of how the Universe may have come into existence, and theories tend to change with time and they still concern quantifiable material things, and they still require a cause and a reason.
Things don’t just happen. There is a Creator God. It is after all the fool who said in his heart “There is no God”. Or as God had it recorded in the book of Job. [Job 41 verse 11]..”Everything under heaven belongs to me”. We sang together “The Servant King”, remembering verse 3 “Hands that flung stars into space to cruel nails surrendered”.
After prayers and fatigues, we set off for various activities including tennis and putting. I was invited to go on a Banana boat. My mind said to me “John, you like bananas on your Weetabix ( or apples, pears, oranges or strawberries), but there was only, apparently, a banana boat. I went along with the idea, probably the wrong idea. I should have wondered why cautious responsible young officers decided not to make the numbers up.
So off I trotted with Phil, Helen, William, Kathryn and Rachel and my henchman ( or as one unkindly described him, my kick-start or was it side-kick?), Andy Willitt. I could not quite understand what they meant about Simon Heinrich having the courage and confidence to go bungie jumping with a rope tied round his ankle off a bridge over the river Zambesi in Zimbabwe last year but not enough to go on a banana boat.
When we got to the beach on this grey cloudy morning there was no one on the sea boating and there was no banana boat. At this, I felt quite relieved. Now we can go and do something safe. I reasoned without Phil who was sure that there was another banana boat further along the beach.
When we reached it they all stripped down to swim gear and “T” shirts and I thought I’d better do they same. There were no bananas to eat, and no Weetabix either. I asked the man with the oars” Does this strange craft ever capsize?”. He replied, “Rarely”. I asked him whether I should take my dentures out. He consulted his colleague, who suggested that it might be wise. Hardly very reassuring. Then we had to wear life jackets. I left my dentures and specs with Andy on the beach and my camera, advising him to take a picture of us.
Well, we got on this rocking horse straight thing which in shape and colour did resemble a banana. We took off nice and easy and slowly as the man paddled us out towards his own power boat and revved up the motor. Somebody muttered something about 50mph, which put me off. It should have been 15mph.
We zoomed forward with me hanging on for dear life to a small strip of leather. There were no seat belts, indeed there were no seats.
Then some daft irresponsible person started rocking us from side to side. You can’t take them anywhere can you?. Then we went around a bend a bit sudden and the next thing I knew I was under the water about to drown. Just as well I had committed the journey to God. The chap in the boat did not seem to care. He reckoned it was our fault but he was driving. I did not know then that there had been a bit of collusion between him and some of my fellow passengers who apparently wanted to go swimming. I was not at any time consulted.
Suddenly, whoosh, I surfaced and grabbed a rope. Then I got told off, (as usual,) for holding a handle but the man had said that 3 of us on each side should do that. With a big heave we righted the banana and scrambled back on board. With me promoted to the front. I particularly appreciate the care of my companions, and the efforts of our lifesavers particularly Phil for saving me from becoming Conga Food. We whooshed off again and really it was fantastic fun and so we returned to port. Andy had photographed us departing but we were so quick that we don’t appear on the picture.
Then all soggy wet we gravitated to the Amusement Arcade to dry off and Helen bought us ices. I had a tutti fruiti but I had to keep spitting the bit’s of fruit out as I could not wear my dentures which were contaminated with sand..
Everyone returned for LUNCH to discover that we had been joined by Sue and Ged Pearce and Sammy and Dawn Kitchener, with Edward Clarke.
What a great lunch we had, Chicken stew, Vegetables , and Peach Flan.
I was told that Sue had come well prepared for winter weather, 2 blankets, a duvet, a sleeping bag, and a hot water bottle. Well I usually bring all that except the duvet, though I have not yet used the hot water bottle. Then it has not been cold yet. I visited their tent. Immaculate, not like my tip.
Edward had brought a boat and he’d been up since 4am, and had had his bike stolen, and of course he brought his earlier fractured arm with him. What a day, getting here must have been a bit of an anti-climax
After Lunch we trooped off to various places again, most of us a to the Purbeck Leisure Centre part of a school complex at Wareham. Wareham has changed a bit since I was last there 36 years ago to visit some of my relatives, a sub-division of the big Brown family.
We went into a pool filled with chlorinated water. It seems to have the same effect on some people that alcohol has on others. It makes them excited and aggressive. That poor quiet cuddly passive giant, Cliff, was attacked by a whole hoard of apparently young men, and poor Cliffy couldn’t understand why. It seems that these chivalrous knights were defending some ladies, Dorothy and Denise who had experienced the strange sensation of being bowled over in the water by meeting a man. Apparently according to one who should know there was an anti-dote. The password was Sinus. It was the only thing likely to protect them.
We played “ball” using a large inflated beach ball with B.B. campers from the site we had used in 1988. It seems that everyone enjoyed themselves and after a rest in the refreshment lounge we returned to Camp.
Later during the evening our Band paraded to the Red Cross Centre using a rented school across the road to play to the handicapped children the Red Cross volunteers were caring for and providing a holiday to. This was much appreciated by them, the staff, and us, particularly we appreciated the new March with the twiddly bits. One child laying severely handicapped on a stretcher with limited senses benefited from the physical vibrations and was encouraged by our Bell Lyra players who went over to share with her. The eyes of a boy in a wheelchair lit up as Geoff let him try out the drumsticks. It was well worth the effort.
The 5-a-side football caused more excitement with Darren achieving a hat trick, Matthew making some good saves, and Stephen playing well despite a bit of a bruising. The Table Tennis Tournament carried on though it sounded like a riot….it is only a game. Stephen produced an excellent drawing of his dog Andy.
Malcolm led Evening Worship, and we began with the action song “My God is so great, so mighty there’s nothing He cannot do”.
We considered how we would react to someone in need of help and the importance of living in harmony. Under the title of “Not in the Water” we considered the plight of the paralysed man who lay near the Pool of Siloam in Jerusalem (John chapter 5) who needed help but could not get it. He spent 38 years trying to get healing in a pool Jesus solved his needs in less than 38 seconds. Get up! He did. We too need to stop relying on our crutches, our excuses, and trust Jesus.
After prayers and cocoa it was off to bed or whatever the boys get up to in their tents which we call bed. Staff prayers were led by Phil.
THURSDAY AUGUST 21st
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The day dawned but we don’t have any notes until Breakfast which was as super as usual. Table Tennis was under way before breakfast, so do they play it all night or in their dreams? Inspection was won by the girls with 91 points and the boys secured 86 points. Mr Magmadds read a statement as editor of the Washpond Paddle, it having stirred up a bit of a head of steam over various comments reported to it by campers about the food here.
Yesterday Lionel had read a poem as a rebuttal written in the kitchen which suggested Mr Magmadds might care to eat out in future. Of course we all take this criticism and counter criticism in good part as a standing joke really, but Mr M went to some lengths to make sure that the Catering staff had his full support and one of the things that kept him coming to camp year after year was the lovely food. However there were other campers with different food preferences who needed to be listened to, for assuming we attract new people to camp with us we have to accept their ideas, opinions, talents and contribution.
If we don’t then we may well lose them as we have done before. We all have to exercise tolerance and be willing to learn from one another. From his own point of view after coming to camp regularly since 1982 Mr M likes everything set before him except tomato soup, fish caught from the sea that hasn’t passed through a fishmonger, and curry. Lionel would not let us publish the poem, most of which Mr M thought was very well put together but how he found time to write it while getting our meals ready is a mystery.
Mr M then led Morning Prayers with the boys and girls doing a mimed story of the parable of the King and his servants with it’s emphasis that God requires all of us to be faithful to Him, and will reward us with greater opportunities and responsibilities.
After chores were done, a party set out to play putting. It is alleged that Matthew allowed the Captain to win by 1 shot on the strength of the possibility of an ice-cream, but at tea time and he was still waiting. So there must have been a misunderstanding. All’s fair in love, war and putting. You should get that sort of thing in writing. Other folk went off on a shopping expedition, but another group went off to Swanage to go mountain bike riding.
The Suppliers hadn’t got any tandems or pennyfarthings so Andy Willitt and Mr M had to make do with ordinary ones. Every picture tells a story, and this one told Mr M that his days riding a mountain bike are really over. He might go back to horse riding which he gave up after falling off a couple of years ago, ’cause the horse does the real work where as the bike expects the rider to do the hard graft.
The original bike was a frame with 2 wheels and a handlebar with no pedals and no brakes, which supported you as you walked along. That would have done just as well as we spent a lot of time walking.
To begin with we broke all the rules cycling on a pavement down a one way street. A policeman told Chris that we should stop, but Andy doesn’t like Policemen so he didn’t. We climbed a dirty great hill only to discover a dead end. So down again and up another. On and on we went and finally down a flight of steps.
Eventually we arrived exhausted at the Durleston Head Hotel where we all went in except Phil who looked after the bikes, and brought out lots of orange squash which we all guzzled for a long time. Phil and Will managed to demolish one of those big sunshade umbrellas.
Then downhill again scaring the tourists with Chris holding back to look after stragglers, so he said. We visited the Great Stone Globe dated 1887, it’s carved information a bit out of date now.
That was an excuse for another rest. Then on along the cliff path, we passed a place where on a good day dolphins could be seen playing. Clearly this was not a good day. The plan was to visit the Lighthouse, but this involved negotiating a steep ravine where we had to carry the bikes downhill and push them uphill.
From the lighthouse we had thought of locating our 1988 site but time ran out. From then on the route was down hill back into town, but Chris’s chain kept coming off.
After returning the bikes we walked back to camp in groups and an admirer bought a bunch of carnations for the Kitchen staff.
We had Tea for Lunch as the gas supply had failed. Ged alas is not yet used to camp etiquette. He despaired of his son-in-law, Sammy, who as Officer of the Day , he was confident would, as he supposed, call him and his table up first for every meal. As it had not happened he went up uncalled. A very unwise move. He didn’t make it.
Edward’s priorities were a bit in doubt. He had brought his oars but not his cutlery. Someone had got Cliff a model chicken so he could in reality have “Chicken tonight” every night, without telling us. We rejoiced with Rachel and Kathryn in their GCSE results. We enjoyed our bread pudding. A lot of time was spent all afternoon preparing for the evening’s Camp Concert.
Andrew and Emma spent some time in Poole shopping and visiting the aquarium watching the crocodiles and creepy crawlies and avoiding the snakes. Andy played at being a snake to scare her. He loves her really, though. There was there too a 3000 foot model railway. Lionel claimed to have caught a lot of unauthorised people in his kitchen but they all evaporated quickly.
Then there was Ryan’s fractured hip,. when he fell from being pushed. Young campers please do not push each other about. Soon all the First Aiders were gathered from all over the camp site to pool their expertise, poor Ryan. Ged was giving him friendly pastoral advice “He’s going to die. Does it hurt Ryan?”.
I am not much good at First Aid, and from my last course I would now need a refresher but the Red Cross taught us on that course to reassure the injured person! Anyway Ryan did not die but quickly recovered, as he was on stage later in the evening.
We enjoyed chicken for dinner followed by cake, so Cliff got his Chicken Tonight. Ged could not help with the washing up as he was on his coffee break. Another innovation.
The C.O. reported that Vegetable Preparations Director Michael Hughes had persistently asked him to help with the spud bashing (potato peeling). He declined as he takes on staff to do that. But Mr Hughes had left the potato peeler and a potato on his table, as a hint, and he had risen to the challenge and produced and presented to us Vegetable Man
The Concert was a roaring success. There were 15 turns and you’d be forgiven if you had a nasty turn yourself after that lot. Dorothy was a bit upset that Neptune did not turn up this year as she had him included in the Script so she had to ask a couple of people to deputise as the Mayor and Mayors of Swanage.
The first item was an enterprising version of A Question of Sport and that was a laugh a second especially when Andrew Heinrich accused Cliff Goodwin of cheating I thought we would have to call the police. (Well we had the helmet and whistle handy). This item was master minded by Matthew, Darren and James.
Ged & Sue and Denise finally got their VBS rap song together again and it was well worth the effort.
HOW ARE YOU BEING SERVED the 4 act Restaurant saga our answer to Coronation Street, having forgotten to load the Telly, was hilarious.
ONCE UPON A TIME introduced us to BALDILOCKS and the THREE BARES which was priceless, one of the best acts we’ve been able to bring in at tremendous cost, for years. Andy W kept coming on in between items to tell us he’d be on later.
The Officer’s Kit Inspection was a scream, with Junior Section Leading Boy David Timms as the Inspecting officer….and wasn’t he strict ? Didn’t Andrew T, Andrew H, Simon P and Chris get in a pickle? That must explain the state of their tent…they’ve been rehearsing.
Malcolm getting up at Camp was also hilarious. Oh dear I’m running out of adjectives, everything was jolly good.
Dennis and Chris from Grunty Fen visited us again with another new instalment and was a great laugh.
The Arrest by Ryan, Edward, Andrew and Elizabeth was well put together. Ged , Sue, Emma and Andy were a great giggle.-
The penultimate act was Mr M with the C. O.’ s camp song from 1988.
Then the Finale, Andy Willitt came on and shot the Third Year Juniors, Andrew, James and David. We bring them through Anchor Boys and Juniors and Andy with my gun shoots them just as they are about to join Company Section.
It is just as well it’s only make believe, and after all last year the kids shot each other in an all out battle. Mr Madds brought his policeman’s helmet to camp and that got used in 4 different acts.
The concert over, the Bar opened, that is to say the Cocoa was served. The C.O. announced the Camp run for 8am.
Then Malcolm sat down and said that he was fed up….everybody hated him. How did he find that out? Didn’t we clap enough when he was on earlier?.
Well of course he’d got it all wrong. We don’t hate him. We appreciate him. But Malcolm went on to talk about the disciples of Jesus, that group of men Jesus had spent 3 exciting years with and then he had been killed, and they did not know what to do next.
But said Malcolm we are different. We know what came next. Jesus rose from death triumphantly and is alive today and reigns in Heaven over His Kingdom, the kingdom that all Christians are citizens of and destined for. We know where Jesus is. What are we going to do about it? Jesus Christ is the best and only person we can follow. How near to Jesus are YOU?
It was reported to me that 3 of our young ladies were noticed chatting up two of the young men from the BB Camp next door called Simon and John Barnes.” “How old are you?” the boys said.
Well the replies can be best summed up as being economical with the truth. “Do you love me?” the girls said. That’s a big question for a first date. Our informant was a bit shocked by the replies.
Still it seems to have been love at first sight because the boys invited the girls round to play football. Clearly the boys know and have got, their priorities in the right order, find out if they are old enough to play football.
The first principal of romance, sharing the same interests, and what could be more important than sharing a football. Well done the Barnes brothers!
After LIGHTS OUT the Staff, 23 of us a met for Prayer led by Mike and Colleen. After that 7 of the younger staff went off on an authorised walk, and some Table Tennis was played by torch light, and Sammy handed over the Red band to Mr M. and the Night staff played cards till 1am. So ended Thursday.